Coup d'etat

 

So this really just about sums up my week.  Or two.  I swear the kids have planned this coup and have meticulously thought out ways to overthrow my sanity.  And energy.  I feel like a big blob of gray matter.  And while their diversions (and time outs) have kept me hopping, the real upheaval was just beginning.  There has been a record number of messes, which I would like to say are accidental, but that would be lying.  River has been in his glory with spitting...not sure where he learned this, but if it was you I wouldn't admit it.  At least not to me.  

The list ranges from a little bossiness all the way up to sticking hands into poopy diapers and wiping them on mom's face, and EVERYTHING in between.  Yes, that was so fun.  Nothing screams birth control like having a big deuce wiped on your nose and upper lip.  Bwahaha!  Seriously though, if it counts, (which it totally doesn't to the actual victim of such an atrocity) than I should tell you that it wasn't intentional.  Well, at least not the wiping hands on mom part.

 I have cleaned food up from some nooks of this house I didn't even know we had.  River was like a rabid monkey flinging anything he could get his hands on.  Heck, he liked time-out so much (weirdo), that he would deliberately do things and then put himself in the corner.  Whew.  Needless to say we have to get creative with our guidance and consequences for this dude. 

After multiple time outs and toys taken this is a sample conversation...

Mom (and/or) Dad:  'River, you do not (insert naughty behavior here).  That is (insert adjective of offense here) and we do not act this way.  You can do (insert complete opposite reaction to offense here), but not (real offense here).  Do you understand?

River:  'Ohhhh, aawigh (alright).'

Mom (and/or) Dad:  'So River...will you spit on Israel again?

River:  'Um....yeah.'

Mom (and/or) Dad:  No River, you will not spit on Israel again!

***pause and let him digest***

'Will you spit on Israel again?'

River:  'Uh....yeah (now smiling...like a punk)

And this one conversation of course has to last like five minutes until he at last gives up the anarchy because he knows the machine he is raging against is much stronger and much more relentless than he.  So yeah, a million of these conversations a day (plus any clean up), will wear a person down.  He hasn't had a spell like this in a while.  Thank goodness.  We just do the only thing we know to do and that is love him, guide him, and be incredibly consistent with the discipline.  We love our little twerps even if they make us mentally exhausted sometimes.  They bring so much joy and laughter to our homes.  Even when they misbehave, you just have to hand it to them.  They're clever and creative.  They have a gift.  A dark gift, but a gift that once turned, will conquer the world!  Mwahahahaha.