(His beautiful, effortless stroll is charged by a dying mother)

The morning has been temperamental, but beautiful;  the only time of day it's not ridden with the dank humidity that sucks the breath from your lungs.   

As of late, I have been trying to condition myself to run long distance.  For me, although I am desperately out of shape right now, it is the most relaxing form of exercise outside of my very casual relationship with Pilates. I've been at it for two weeks now, and I am feeling pretty good.  Well....after I got over the initial feeling of death.

I am not old, but I definitely don't have the metabolism (or superb eating habits) I once had.  It's not just about numbers to me. I am interested only in feeling better and becoming healthier.  I was told about this app for distance training called Couch to 5k, and was convinced it would actually help.  So a free download later, and I am on Day 2.  It's 25 minutes total (for now).  Starting with a five minute warm up walk, (after stretching of course...my shins didn't like me on week 1 of trying to get in shape), then the next 15 minutes are filled with intervals of 1 minute runs and 1.5 minute power walks, ending again with a 5 minute catchyourfreakingbreath walk.

The app interrupts The Avett Brothers and Andrew Bird to instruct me how fast my legs should be moving. The first few runs are easy.  I feel kind of cocky.  But as my tenth minute of this kind of route ensues, I am ready to kill myself when I hear the *ding* that is bossing me into running again.  This is only made harder by the fact that I am pushing a NON lightweight jogging stroller with 62 pounds of child PLUS stroller weight.  In addition to those factors, we live in a 5 mile radius exempt of flat, straight roads, so uphill it is!

As the cute little robins fly and chirp overhead, I laugh as I envision a more realistic scene that involves vultures.  To make matters worse, there's this spot on the trail that smells like a rotting animal...may I remind you it's hot out?  Very hot!  So as I exhale my breath of life, I inhale the stench of death.  

Today was a bit easier.  I only had one child with me; the lighter, 20 pound one. And although this is only Day 2 of Couch to 5k, I have been building my stamina the past 2 weeks.  I had to learn to slow my pace a bit too.  With long legs, my natural stride encourages me to sprint, but my lungs beg for me to s l o w  

d o w n.

I'm gonna keep chugging along, thankful that my lungs and legs are healthy enough to withstand the brutality and exileration of exercise, and someday soon be able to actually run a 5k and feel accomplished.  Go me!

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

The idols you carry were born as burdens; a millstone around your neck in a rising sea of life.
Where free men choose to be enslaved; work, work, work.
Gold and silver...worthless over blood and broken back.
Cut down the totem pole which exalts your own name, and walk in the lightness of my love.
A carved stone, a figure of wood, they cannot save you.
But my life has been laid down; sacrificed...so that freedom can be born.
Shalom to you.
No wishes or what ifs.
Your life is laid out before you.  All that you have to do is find it....in me.
Where nothing's missing.  Nothing's broken.
Nothing is left to fate or chance, because I swallowed the darkness whole, then called out your name.
I call you FREE.

Contents of a Diaper

The contents of River's diaper includes, but is not limited to: a frog, Noah, Baloo, a snake, a cowboy and walrus, Swampfire ( yes, River defiled one of Israel's Ben Ten action figures), and a few other miscellaneous pieces and parts of toys, making a grand total of 12.  12!!!

Harbor

Is there somewhere I can go where I can outrun myself?
A place of unwinding clocks;  where time stands still, creeping in and setting like a fog in the night.
Can I lose myself there for a while?
Can I attach myself to the wind; my name in your breath that you try so hard to breathe in?
Can I travel to the starlight that I glimpse from time-to-time behind your eyes?
Where constellations dance and glow, and I flicker like the fireflies, begging to be noticed.
Can I lose myself so helplessly, that the corners become rounded, and the lightening and the thunder turn from threats to glimpses of light upon my path?
Can I lay my shadow to rest in the brilliance of your smile, as you rock me into slumber by the warmth and fire of your heart?

Nighttime Ninja

Outside the crescent moon hung so brightly.  The stars had taken their posture in the black of night.  The gentle hum of cicada and flicker of firefly reminded me it was summer.  I lay in the sanctuary of my bed, reflecting on the goodness the day gifted me with, and before I knew it, my subconscious overtook my thoughts and began to whisper to me by starlight.

Just as my deepest desires began to dance with the fanciful foolishness of dreams, I was curtly and violently awoken.  The sharp of an elbow met the very vulnerable depression of where my throat is greeted by my collar bone.  Gasping to catch my breath, I guarded my neck with one hand.  Half anticipating another blow, I held out the other hand before my face.  As my breath returned I screamed for my husband.

    "Michael!'  I hollered as he frantically jolted from his sleep.  The sound of my voice begged for his help, and also for answers of this unexplained midnight attack.  He shot up like the arm of a catapult ready for battle.  A blow to his temple ensued, as he grabbed his head and fell back into the once sacred and safe haven of our sheets. 

Our eyes were still adjusting to the darkness in hopes of glimpsing our perpetrator. Suddenly there were horrible wails that made our eyes again forget to focus.  The haunting and explosive bursts of machine gun sobs.  An indiscriminate language broke out, interrupted only by the haunting cries of the night.

    'What is that? Do you feel that?'  my husband inquired, as the coldness of our wet and soiled bedding crept slowly, overtaking the dry fabric of our pants. 

    'I don't know,' I began to cry.  Fear and confusion overtook my heart, like the blackness swallows the light of day.  Palpitations, sweat, my sore and aching throat, the salt of tears streaming into my mouth, and the disorientation of my surroundings, left me almost begging for this intruder to have his way so that he can finally just leave. 

A thunderous commotion came from the hallway.  Expecting to see another aggressive intruder, I was surprised to see the silhouette of my oldest son in the doorway.  Struck with panic, I feared for his future if he interrupted our trespassers deeds.

    "Hide!!!' I demanded of him.  Alarmed at the fear in my voice, he reached for the light switch.  The moment of truth had come.  He flipped on the light, and in shock we all sat staring at our thrashing and frenzied two-year-old who was urine drenched and sleepwalking.  Michael grabbed his more threatening half, while I held his arms at his sides.   We spoke loud and firm while hugging him, doing everything in our power to bring him out of this irrepressible dream state that had turned him into a nighttime ninja.

The World is in Your Hands

 Find photo credit  here (top text added by me)

Hope

The damp, still air suspends morning wishes.

Stagnating stale words of days long ago.

Heavy in the air now,

the magic of hope floods in with the warmth and light of the sun.

Your kingdom is coming, I can feel the change.

My insides churn.

My heart quickens at the call of my voice from your lips.

Take me.

Prophesy, words of life.

Tell me what I cannot see.

Let me borrow your grace as you revive my heart with hope.
A hope that is branded to my bones,
and accentuates the promises I see nearing in the distance.