As a Child

A beautiful day,
a car ride home,
and a ripe realization.

Glancing back at my baby asleep in the backseat, I suddenly realized what Jesus meant when he said that we were to be as the little children. 
He meant that our attitude was to simply be centered in His love and allow ourselves to feel worthy enough to take it!
Jesus told us to be childlike to enrich our lives with the experiential knowledge of being bathed in true and illuminating, life-changing love.  Love.

Life goes on, people get beat down and their sense of acceptance and love becomes dangerously warped.  We don't see ourselves as lovable, and therefore we don't live up to the dreams in our heart because we don't see ourselves as worthy enough to attain them. 

It's all about remaining....untainted.....believing that when he made us,...he made us purposefully and without ANY error.  And a child does that so effortlessly!
A child is willing to be indulgent...the center of the universe....the apple of their parents eye.  In fact, they expect...demand it.  They don't second-guess themselves.  They just simply mush into you when you tell them how wonderful they are.  They believe it with every cell and sinew in their being. 
And that is what Jesus wants from us. 
To believe what he tells us.  To have confidence in who he has made us.  To love the image we see in the mirror and to celebrate ourselves. 
We all deserve to be inundated with love, with kind words, with tender and warm embraces, and with a deep belief that we are beautiful and deserving enough to not only start accepting it, but to start expecting it as well!

Vertigo and Chinese Lanterns

The day after Christmas, while playing on the floor with my boys, I made a sudden right turn with my neck and next thing I knew the room was something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.  I couldn't tell up from down, left from right, what was stationary or what was moving.  It simultaneously felt as if I were on a teeter-totter and a boat.  The rocking...oh the rocking.  After a few moments of wicked vertigo, the room settled, but not quite as calmly as it should have been.  Somehow my ears were confused that I was sitting still.  So for the next few days...6 to be exact...I felt like I was seasick and if I even thought about laying flat or tipping my head even ever-so-slightly, to either side, the room would again take flight and whip me around like a balloon in high wind. 

It was unfortunate that the new year was nearing and I felt like I had a hangover of the worst kind...a permanent hangover.  I prayed a lot.  Felt sick a lot.  Cried a little.  Had tons of help from my husband and older son.  And although I was miserable, I tried really hard to be celebratory of the new year and all of the exciting things that await us.

As introduced by my brother-in-law and sister-in-law after their stay in Thailand, we brought in the new year by sending a paper lantern into the sky at midnight.  With it we sent all of our hopes, wishes, struggles, and gratitude.  We celebrated the God that we love and serve, the friendships we cherish, the beauty of the planet we dwell on, and we believed that as we sent our light forth, we could expectantly wait for that light to be brought back to us through the goodness of the year. 

Vertigo and all, it was a magical moment to see our lives...on fire and upward bound!





Building Alters

Since the genesis of mankind, it has been in our nature to forget things.  Very important things at that.  We forget the type of things that we swear we'll  n e v e r  forget under the most dire of circumstances.    This is what happens.  Oh...maybe two months of peace, no inner struggles, no relational upheavals, finances are fine, cars are running, and children are behaving.  Suddenly, we have absolutely NO recollection of the very important, life-altering experience that we were supposed to remember for a lifetime. 

For some time now I have been sensing very strongly that God wants me to start building some alters.  To take these monumental events in my life, where I have recognized such a remarkable and profound truth, and to practice remembering them daily.   To cultivate a heart of gratitude.   To be grateful you cannot forget what was done for you (and through you). To stop in my tracks when there's revelation, and to build something that I can physically see for when my heart wants to forget.  An alter that I can lay myself on as a living sacrifice and let Jesus receive me...and in turn, being filled with him.  An alter that sets my standards a little higher than previous ones. To remind me of where a God so great, met me, a woman that's not so great, but so very loved.  An alter that will show me not to look in the shadows for answers, but in the sunshine of His presence, where He becomes all of my needs.

When my many alters are well established, it will be that much easier to set my energies on them; reliving the power of those moments, resetting my affections and my focus on something greater than the present moment.  I will set my eyes on eternity, not carnal reality.  Then and only then, will there be no time left in my day to maintain any regrets or failures or poor self image.  My mind and sight will be established on something rock solid.  Something so far removed from myself that it causes a piece of the broken me to die, and my true self to be emboldened not only with knowing that God can do anything for me...but that he wants to do everything for me...and with me!

Burning One

I want to be a light.

A vivid fire.

A torch to break the darkness.

A passionate...eternal...burning one.

I want to be an exuberant guide.

A vigil to goodness.

A funeral pyre of self.

An unwavering...radiant...burning one.

I want God's light to outshine my being;

leaving me faceless

A warm kiss

A lantern of love

A fire to warm yourself by.

A momentous...ever-renewing...enlightening...burning one.

White Man

This video is remarkable and inspiring!  God is love....to everyone.  Not just the ones we believe to be worthy, but everyone!  He doesn't subscribe to anyones agenda, get caught up in b.s., worry about nationality, sexuality, or political associations.  God is love.  It really is that simple.  No matter where you are in life, God loves you and is honored to be your father.  Enjoy!

From Under the Knife

Quit comparing scars
Circumcise your thinking.
The law is for the lawless,
and you have been redeemed.

Iron sharpens iron
as one man does another.
Careful not to get so sharp
no one can handle you without getting ripped to shreds.

The law's a guide...not a god.
Your heart knows the truth.
It was engrafted intentionally,
reliably, so you know how to move...
in love.
Not judgement
or opinion.
But love....the anti law.

The Passed

I wrote this a while ago, November 9th 2006 to be exact.  For me it brought closure over the death of a man too young to die. Lately I have been plagued with thoughts of him, and how his devastating death was totally avoidable.  We must remember to reach out and love those who are stuck in the darkness of depression.  Never overlook anothers sorrow as something that will pass, but sit with them, let them share themselves, cry with them, and offer them hope.  There is always hope.  This is for Kyle.

Guns and broken hearts,
emptiness                emptied.
Blood calls from the ground of a haunted friday.
You did it.

A dark part understands.
I was once there with a rifle of my own.
But I can never know the depth of the glass kingdom you lived.
Everyone around you seemed to have a stone,
and your fragility
in brokenness
took
the
fall.

And we suffer as you did.    In skin.
Or maybe it's selfish to say our hurt is equal.
Because my ache will stop.
And for you,
love was the safety you just didn't know how to push.