Oak

Through the damp soil, the push of roots sprawl deeper into the warm essence of earth.
A mature oak I am.  With roots deep, ready to break apart the sterile, concrete world around me.
Still recovering from a brutal fire passed, my scars are no longer visible - just another ring tucked deep inside of me.
I am not that person anymore.  Yet she is still there, buried under years of re growth.
I  grow towards the Son, and offer my shade in return.

So lay as a beggar beneath my branches.
Eat the fruit that is birthed from the anatomy of all that I am.
Wild things, come to me. Nest in my hair, for I am unmoved.
Grow with me, let our roots entangle to become vitally united.
So instead of one tree, we can become a forest.

Remnants of a Funeral

Open your eyes to how much of our lives are spent investing in our own deaths.  How much does it really cost us to die?
We feed our bodies poison, we smoke toxins, we inject chemicals to remain youthful, go under the knife to undermine age.  We infiltrate hate, and embrace every excessive way we find that makes us 'happy.' 
We feed on triggers of death.
We kill our spirits with lust and pornography, jealousy and want.  Desensitized hearts from violence and rage used in 'entertainment';  we break down the barrier that protects us from the profane.
Beauty and perfection have become a way of life.  Image has become too important.
We live in a world where we are blindly led to accept we can do ANYTHING that makes us 'happy' without consequence.  When our actions do catch up to us, we simply abandon them by inventing new methods of 'freedom.'
And we buy it.
With our hearts, and with our cold, hard, American cash.
We have deadened and numbed ourselves to the point where wrong no longer exists, we call it 'freedom.'
But who is really free?!
We can buy admiration, we can sell lies.  We fashion chains to have keys to sell.  We focus all our energy on extravagances that are killing us.
Each day we contribute to our own deaths;  we invest in our own decay, thinking we are secure....happy.
We believe we are fueled by life-giving blood.....but reality says we are only filled with a kind of formaldehyde;  a man-made product with the mark of America running through our cold veins to indefinitely preserve the idea that we are all just walking remnants of a funeral.

A 4th of July Rant

Sparklers have been around forever right?   When I was little, we cherished the moments that we were allowed to hold something that was actually on fire.  We would chase each other with them, freak out every time they had nearly burned to the end, afraid of getting sparks on our sticky cotton candy fingers, and sword fight with the blackened remnants.  Remembering how fun they were, we usually pick a few boxes up for our kids every year.  It's not a difficult task. You go to the grocery store and there are holiday kiosks littered with sparklers, pop it's, and smoke bombs. 

Last night I made a late night run to the store to get a few things for the 4th, sparklers included.  When I stalked the usual spots of the store and came up empty handed, I hunted down a sales clerk to help me.

Me: 'Excuse me, do you know where I can find the sparklers?'

Sales Clerk 1: 'What?'

Me: 'Sparklers?'

Sales Clerk: (confused look) 'No' (and then he walked away).

As rude as that was, I made my way to another part of the store to find them myself.  Still missing in action, I spot Associate #2.

Me: 'Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find sparklers?'

Sales Clerk 2: 'Find what?'

Me: 'Sparklers.'

Sales Clerk 2:  (confused look) 'Try the incense aisle.' (And he totally walked away)

What?!  Well I am certainly not wasting my time walking to the incense aisle.

There was some more aimless wandering and hunting down associate #3.

Me: 'Where can I find sparklers?'

Sales Clerk 3:  'Like the thing for your dog?'

Me: What?! So with a confused look, I walked away.

Me: 'Do you carry sparklers?' I curmudgeonly asked the final employee that I had patience for.

Sales Clerk #4: 'Sparkler? What is a sparkler?'

Me:  'You know, the sticks that look like incense (thanks clerk 2) that you light...and they sparkle...?

Absolutely not!  Nobody knew what I was talking about.  How is that even possible?  Maybe since fireworks are legal in Tennessee, they don't tamper with that weak stuff.  Regardless, I left 30 minutes later,empty handed, incredibly irritated, and slightly amused.

Happy sparkler-free (and super rainy) Fourth!

photo credit

Say Whaat?!

 

'River...spit that Band-Aid out!  No, it's NOT yummy!'

'No Israel, you may not shut yourself in the deep freeze.  It doesn't matter that you'll never know how dark it is, it's unsafe.'

'It's not polite to say that something smells like butt hole.'

'River, do not freeze me when I am talking to you.'

'Superman, before you fly away, I need to change your diaper.'

"Israel stop!  River isn't saying 'eat butts,' he's saying 'it's broke."

'River, songs about butt holes aren't nice songs.'

Apparently people like hearing our home's craziness, so here is the last month's insanity.

(His beautiful, effortless stroll is charged by a dying mother)

The morning has been temperamental, but beautiful;  the only time of day it's not ridden with the dank humidity that sucks the breath from your lungs.   

As of late, I have been trying to condition myself to run long distance.  For me, although I am desperately out of shape right now, it is the most relaxing form of exercise outside of my very casual relationship with Pilates. I've been at it for two weeks now, and I am feeling pretty good.  Well....after I got over the initial feeling of death.

I am not old, but I definitely don't have the metabolism (or superb eating habits) I once had.  It's not just about numbers to me. I am interested only in feeling better and becoming healthier.  I was told about this app for distance training called Couch to 5k, and was convinced it would actually help.  So a free download later, and I am on Day 2.  It's 25 minutes total (for now).  Starting with a five minute warm up walk, (after stretching of course...my shins didn't like me on week 1 of trying to get in shape), then the next 15 minutes are filled with intervals of 1 minute runs and 1.5 minute power walks, ending again with a 5 minute catchyourfreakingbreath walk.

The app interrupts The Avett Brothers and Andrew Bird to instruct me how fast my legs should be moving. The first few runs are easy.  I feel kind of cocky.  But as my tenth minute of this kind of route ensues, I am ready to kill myself when I hear the *ding* that is bossing me into running again.  This is only made harder by the fact that I am pushing a NON lightweight jogging stroller with 62 pounds of child PLUS stroller weight.  In addition to those factors, we live in a 5 mile radius exempt of flat, straight roads, so uphill it is!

As the cute little robins fly and chirp overhead, I laugh as I envision a more realistic scene that involves vultures.  To make matters worse, there's this spot on the trail that smells like a rotting animal...may I remind you it's hot out?  Very hot!  So as I exhale my breath of life, I inhale the stench of death.  

Today was a bit easier.  I only had one child with me; the lighter, 20 pound one. And although this is only Day 2 of Couch to 5k, I have been building my stamina the past 2 weeks.  I had to learn to slow my pace a bit too.  With long legs, my natural stride encourages me to sprint, but my lungs beg for me to s l o w  

d o w n.

I'm gonna keep chugging along, thankful that my lungs and legs are healthy enough to withstand the brutality and exileration of exercise, and someday soon be able to actually run a 5k and feel accomplished.  Go me!

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

The idols you carry were born as burdens; a millstone around your neck in a rising sea of life.
Where free men choose to be enslaved; work, work, work.
Gold and silver...worthless over blood and broken back.
Cut down the totem pole which exalts your own name, and walk in the lightness of my love.
A carved stone, a figure of wood, they cannot save you.
But my life has been laid down; sacrificed...so that freedom can be born.
Shalom to you.
No wishes or what ifs.
Your life is laid out before you.  All that you have to do is find it....in me.
Where nothing's missing.  Nothing's broken.
Nothing is left to fate or chance, because I swallowed the darkness whole, then called out your name.
I call you FREE.

Contents of a Diaper

The contents of River's diaper includes, but is not limited to: a frog, Noah, Baloo, a snake, a cowboy and walrus, Swampfire ( yes, River defiled one of Israel's Ben Ten action figures), and a few other miscellaneous pieces and parts of toys, making a grand total of 12.  12!!!