Today I woke up not thinking that the glass was half full or half empty. I awoke with the urge to smash the glass altogether into someones face. I don't know what initiated this wretched mood that I somehow stumbled upon sometime in the night, but it was fierce and it was depressing.
I turned the ipod on and tried some music therapy. I played and replayed a song that I have considered to be my personal anthem lately in hopes that it would smack the stupid out of me so I could move on with my day. And that is exactly what it did.
'I'm raisin' my expectations,' taking life by the man parts and moving on toward the future! For years I have let myself think that it's career/dreams/pursuits OR family. One or the other. It was definitely an either/or situation for me, and of course knowing my family would always win out made me feel bad for feeling depressed and a little ripped off. After all, what kind of person would I be if my family weren't enough?!
I love being both a mother and a wife, but these desires underground in my heart were a hellacious volcano about to erupt and ruin everyones day. I need to exist as I am meant to. To be a mom, wife and proactive dreamer. There's still an important element I'd like to call 'balance,' but in all honesty, I would probably be a better mother and wife if I were creating and breathing life into what has been birthed in my heart.
Soooo...the journey starts now. I will not hold myself back and cheat myself (or others) anymore. I am 'movin' on towards the light, I'm gonna find my way real soon. Movin' on, doin' right, gonna make my dreams come true!'
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