Since we've moved to Tennessee, life has been a bit of an adjustment. I've said before that things sort of fell apart when we got here, and trust me, that seems like an understatement. We felt called here...we KNOW we were called here, but the circumstantial crumbling gave us this nag inside that constantly questioned our decision. IF we were called to be here, than WHY aren't we seeing this blessing that we knew would follow? If, if, if...why, why, why?
I used to read the book of Exodus and scoff at the Israelite's attitudes when they were finally free of Pharaoh. Who would possibly belittle their own escape? Who would ever complain about freedom when they intimately knew the hardship of slavery? It seemed unimaginable to me to feel anything but relief and the extraordinarily bright hope of their futures. But I must say that I have currently mimicked their path. When things looked more like a desert and less like a promised land, I sort of let myself fall apart. I too, started longing for the familiarity of Egypt instead of the promises that are coming.
Through this, God began to expose my heart in ways that I didn't even know needed freeing, but He is faithful, and began unlocking. I want the real thing, even if it means a lot of discomfort in the process. I will never confuse discomfort with doubt anymore, and most importantly, I will never again long for the days that were oppressive.
Our life in Ohio wasn't horrible. We were close to family, had a beautiful house, and had each other. We were happy. But there was always this desire and hunger for more. More opportunity to do the things that we are passionate about doing, and that are a total dead end back home. And that is certainly oppressive. An undesirable, meager job that paid the bills....a decent life, but not the one that is really from our deepest desires.
We had the material things that we 'needed,' like our own house, a permanent place for our toothbrushes and clothes. And that was enough to make me ask why. So silly. All I really missed about those days was a misconstrued idea of 'comfort.'
Now that I am aware, I have submitted to the process of being sculpted and refined, and I can honestly say that I am thankful for the way things happened. I will claim this as our first major opportunity; a bounding step towards finding our true place and hearts. I will not long for the days that I felt oppression lying on my shoulders. God has helped rid me of the idea of comfort that would've always been a revolving door that led back to me. He has helped me trust Him and know Him more. Above all, I am thankful that we have a God so gracious, that he even made us aware of the strategies against us, and that it won't take us 40 years to reach our destination.
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